Hello Ladies! We hope you have been blessed by this page so
far! We LOVE hearing your testimonies. Today’s Letter of Victory comes from
Sis. Kaitlyn Perez from Homestead, FL. When you hear her story, you will know
that this girl is a fighter! She may be small in stature but she makes up for
it in strength, worship to her God, and that lovely sense of humor she has. Be
blessed!
PTL Darlings,
It’s safe to say that 2013 was a rough year for us all. And
in that year, I, for one, have learned many lessons from the Man Upstairs and I
want to share them with you, because if you want to believe it or not you
girlies are amazing and I am blessed to have such beauties as sisters! Ever
since I was a young rascal, I was always interested in boys and as I grew older
I became boy crazy. I never dated them or anything but I did “talk” to them. At
the time, I would tell myself “It’s nothing. It’s just a crush.” But I’m a girl
and with every boy I had a crush on, in my head I planned our wedding, picked
the names of our 4 kids that we will have, you know the drill. Basically I
created my own “perfect fairytale” with every guy I had a crush on. Can you
imagine this was my mentality when I was like 12?! The sad truth is that I kept
this mentality all the way to 2013, and what I thought was little crushes,
began to literally crush my life. My ‘crushes’ jumped from church guys to
school guys, and of course that’s where it goes downhill from here because my
‘crushes’ became my priority. I always wondered, “Why don’t they like me? Why don’t they want to talk to me? Why don’t
they notice me? Is it because I don’t look like those other girls? I’m pretty
like them, right? I’m pretty right?”
I asked myself that question in 5th grade and I
thought I finally got my answer in middle school. They told me I wasn’t
important when they pushed me in the hallways, they told me I was trash when
they threw trash on me, and they told me that I was small when they took my
stuff whenever they felt like it. They told me I was ugly and abnormal when
they laughed at me. And I listened to them, for three years I listened to them.
Of course my mom noticed that something was wrong when I came home crying, but
my self-confidence was so low I believed that nobody could help me, so I kept
that life to myself. I tried hurting myself, but I was too afraid of the
physical pain that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So I tried something
different, and the first time I tried taking my own life was when I was only
13. And to think that all this life of low self-esteem, no self-confidence, and
no self-worth was all because of a ‘little crush.’
I promised myself that I would never take that kind of abuse
from ANYONE again, in any way or form, and if they did good luck to them
because what they gave to me, I would give back to them. So on top of my
‘crushes’ (that changed every week depending on what cute guy passed me by), I
pushed my butt to get into a university that was far away from home and it
became my new priority. Well that’s good right, focusing on school? Not really
because not once through all of this did I go to God. I never asked Him what He
thought of me and what His plans were for me. Instead I kept my hurt and used
it as fuel to help me succeed. BIG MISTAKE!
That awkward moment when your self-confidence was still so
bad that you didn’t even try to apply to your dream university or any for that
matter except Miami Dade College -who accepts anyone. Yeah, totally awkward right? And man did it
hurt! Mix that up with a couple heartbreaks and off I went to college with the
mentality that I was going to be a loser for the rest of my life and a loner
because my friends were getting boyfriends/girlfriends and I didn’t have
anybody. UNTIL…My ex came along. Now I trust you girls that this will stay here
and my aim is not to trash anyone’s name but to expose my own name. Well my
prince charming seemed so perfect and in my eyes the fact that I had to fight
to have him made me want him more. He made me feel beautiful, worth loving, and
important; and so I gained my identity through him. I finally became somebody
worthwhile and if anything were to happen between us I would not survive. I
would be lost and not know who I am. I was already so lost and I didn’t even
know it. I placed prince charming first over everything and everybody, even
God. And when prince charming left back home I became so desperate that I
wanted to marry him so we wouldn’t be apart anymore. But because I have an
awesome God that gave me awesome parents, the only thing I was able to do was
give him EVERYTHING that belonged to me. But one day it all caught up to me and
I felt so empty and lost and FINALLY I went to God for some answers. I told Him
to shake my grounds because even though I had a boyfriend, was singing in the
choir, and leading the sign team, I was not satisfied. There is just no way
that this is it! Be careful when you ask God for something because He will
answer. Maybe not in the way YOU want or expect, but He will give you exactly
what you NEED. And in my case He literally gave me what I needed. He took my
prince charming away and took His rightful place as number one in my life. God
is a jealous God and He will do what He has to do to be number one in your
heart.
As humans we are never satisfied with anything we fill
ourselves with because we have a void in us. I tried filling it with ‘crushes’,
school, and my ex, and each time I failed and dug a bigger void inside of me.
All of these replacements only gave me so much baggage filled with pain, guilt,
and emptiness. But when I FULLY emerged myself in Christ, I gained my identity,
my confidence, my worthiness, my freedom, my salvation, and a new song to sing
to praise His Holy Name with! Let the trials come because with God on my side,
I KNOW I will overcome and be victorious for His Honor and Glory!
When you feel down just call Him. He will answer. He will
surround you with His presence and in that presence you will gain what you are
missing. Your void will be FILLED. And if ever that lying devil comes knocking
on your window at night, read this verse:
“The Lord is compassionate and merciful; he is patient and
demonstrates great loyal love. He does not always accuse, and does not stay
angry. He does not deal with us as our sins deserve; he does not repay us as
our misdeeds deserve. For as the skies are high above the earth, so his loyal
love towers over his faithful followers. As far as the eastern horizon is from
the west, so he removes the guilt of our rebellious actions from us. As a
father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on his
faithful followers. For he knows what we are made of; he realizes we are made
of clay.” Psalms 103:8-14
Be faithful followers and He will take care of you.
God bless you darlings and your paths that God has called
you to walk. I love you all!
Thank you for your refreshing honesty Kaitlyn! We love you!
We know this is only the beginning for you! God bless you!
