I have had quite a fight living the life I chose to follow God. I wouldn’t give it up for the world! For a long time I have had trouble sleeping which is odd because I love sleep! Well, when I finally figured out it was God waking me up I didn’t pay attention at first. Me, being human, I ignored it. I thought it was just stress and me over thinking certain things, you know normal stuff. When I saw a very special lady that has a special place in my heart, she asked if I would share my story. I wanted to pray about it first. God knows what He wants me to say. Well April 18, 2014 He did it again. I woke up in the early hours of the morning. He said, “It’s time to share your story.” So here it is.
Now in days, women have overpowered the world and helped man steer it. Women are strong, courageous, and compassionate. For a very long time I was none of the above. I do believe with all my heart God has a calling for each and every one of us, but I’ve come to find out it starts with God’s time. His timing is always perfect. Time, I’ve come to find out, is limited. When I was 14 I learned that in the hardest way possible.
The phone rang and I
had a gut feeling something was wrong. My mom stormed out of the house just
saying my dad had driven himself to the hospital. I was at home with my best
friend when Sister Bertha, our pastor’s wife, called me and she had said she
was coming to pick me up. I only live 2 streets down from the hospital. When I
got in her car she was quiet. I had no idea what was going on. She was on the
phone with someone and said, “Please send a prayer chain. Brother Jesse is in
the hospital. He had a massive heart attack. He had the heart attack while
driving home from the store and crashed in the hospital parking lot.” I lost
it.
We got to the hospital and they took me to the operating
room where they were working on him. My mom was holding his hand on one side
of the bed and my older brother and sister on the other. I just remember
grasping his hand and saying, “Please don’t leave me!” I was praying so hard
out loud asking God please not now! God had decided it was time. When they finally
stopped working on him, God called him home. They took us out of the room to
grieve in the waiting room. We didn’t make it that far. We all fell in the
hallway next to his room and my mom was praying and I lost it. I was blaming
God! Asking why? And how could you! I tried to run back to his room. I didn’t
want to leave the hospital without him, but he was resting now.
From that point on, I knew my life would never be the same.
He would never see me graduate High School, father’s day would be a day that
sliced the wounds back open again and again every year. He would never walk me
down the aisle on my wedding day. I no longer had a father. He was just a sweet
memory. For a while I thought I was depressed. I wasn’t. I was angry with God.
I didn’t blame him, but why did he take him away so suddenly? I didn’t even get
to say bye or I love you. I miss him more and more each day. Not a day goes by
I don’t think if him. Some days I just come home and watch home videos and just
wallow. I would come home from school and realize his truck wasn’t in the
driveway. My fear was I didn’t want to forget the sound of his voice or I
didn’t want to accept the fact he was gone. At his funeral I just wanted to get
in there with him and say, “Take me with you.” I knew that wasn’t right for me
to want that but I felt incomplete.
At that point in my life things went downhill fast. Some
issues came up in my church and my brother left, and then my mom and sister.
They went to a different church. They still worship the same God and that’s
where my mom was called to go. The problem was I was alone…again. I decided to
stay with the assembly. It was my home for 16 years and I didn’t want to leave.
Now I am 1 person, my own family. I had to learn to stand alone. Being left
alone is something I was way to familiar with.
A little after my dad
passed away, I ended up back in the E.R room of a hospital. My brother was
fighting for his life and had lost his kidneys. He was in the ICU for a long
time. God had already given Josh his miracle. We don’t know how long his
kidneys had stopped working. When he got to the hospital the nurses and doctors
couldn’t believe he was walking and talking not in pain at all, or worse in a
coma. I tried to give my brother one of my kidneys, but I couldn’t since I
didn’t have kids yet. I didn’t care. I would have rather saved my brother’s
life. God had another plan at his own time. These have been the scariest 3
years of my life. At any moment I didn’t want to hear that he was also called
home. 3 years later exactly 2 weeks before National Youth Advance 2014 my
brother received his second miracle. He got a kidney transplant. He had only
been on the list a year and 6 months. People can wait up to 10 years and are
still waiting. Doctors say they have only heard of people getting one at 5
years. God knew what he was doing. I only pray now that it opens my brother’s
heart to go back to the Lord. That’s all I really want is to have my family
with me again.
For about 3 years I thought I was in love for the very first
time. He was everything and more. Except little did I know he was pulling me
farther and farther away from God. After 3 years, God finally told me it was
time to say goodbye. I didn’t want to! I loved him. I’ve learned you can’t give
your life to someone else because then what do you give God? It was a toxic
relationship. I had been hit, lied to, and most of all just spiritually empty.
I have always been in love with God. I loved going to youth activities. I loved
singing with all my heart. That was my connection with God. When I sing I can’t
explain it, but I just feel his arms pull me in close to him. It’s my safe
place. I fall in love with God all over
again.
When we came back from NYA 2014 God confirmed it was time to
let go. He had something better for me. He was ready to lead me to my calling
and I am fully ready to change the course of my life to follow Him forever! I
know God is not done with me yet. He has greater things for me. This is just
the beginning and I am ready to take on whatever He wants me to do. I’ve
decided enough is enough. The enemy loves to see you stumble over him well now
I’m stepping over him and moving forward. I know when you feel like God is not
with you, that’s when He’s there the most. It doesn’t matter what you have
lost. I know I have lost my dad, and my family in my church but I have a father
who will never leave me in my times of troubles. He will pick me up when I fall
and stumble. I am not perfect. I make mistakes and I will keep making them, but
I know with him I will become that strong, courageous, and compassionate woman
He wants me to be. With Him I am not alone!
Philippians 4:13 “I CAN do all things through Christ who
gives me strength.”Thank you Cassie for sharing a piece of your family’s testimony! We are praying for you and your family. We love you and your ministry and we can’t wait to see where God takes you next. God bless you!
